Poem I have just written, thinking about using it as a Part 2 to my longer poem. Thoughts/opinions/criticisms?

Jack - I've read epic poems and I've read prose - from what I've seen from you I think you may have a short prosaic story. I think keep on posting snips from these, but I see something much bigger coming out of it. Of course, the punctuation needs to be consistent (whether it's poetry, prose or a story).